Log in

No account? Create an account
Rantings for the Monkey
20 most recent entries

Date:Sunday, 21st of May, 2006 @ [1:32am]

*wipes away the cob webs and yawns* I know I know... I am surprised as anyone else that I am here. After taking a one year break pretty much from LJ, it is hard to get back on. I just saw Wicked tonight at the Fox and I have been feeling contemplative lately. I'm writing on my mother's computer since mine is still in the process of being fixed. Ohhhhhh...where to begin? I have been up for about an hour looking at alot of old pictures and reminising about the past. I called some people today I hadn't talked to in awhile and I realised I wish I remembered more. My memory has been very foggy lately and I have been in a kind of funk. Not enough sleep, not eating right, pollen, whatever, bleck. Still, I feel kida phased out. Walking down memory lane has helped me to phase back in abit. Its funny. I look at all the old pictures of me. Being goofy, having fun, at a play, in a play, or with a girl. I'm happy in all the pictures. Those moments on film were happy. When I see those, I forget the bad times. The pain flies away and I just want to talk to, see, and hold that person I remember. Even after everything that has happened, I still want to be there again. I want to be pinning a flower on the dress of a girl in braces, I want to be learning to scuba dive, I want to be on a skiing trip, I want to be playing DDR, I want to be at my birthday parties, I want to be on vacation with a Brookwood girl, I want to be riding in Scott Gillians car, I want to be at a Norcross Chorus Concert, and I want to have a cute redhead next to me in pink shoes. Those were just a few that came to mind.

That's all I got for now. For anyone of you who still check this, signing off.


5 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Wednesday, 26th of October, 2005 @ [1:09am]
Subject:A Goofy Movie
Mood: indescribable

"Some people settle for the typical thing
Living all their lives waiting in the wings
It ain't a question of if, Just a matter of time
Before I move to the front of the line
Mmmm...I see you watchin every move that I make
You gotta believe that I got what it takes...

To stand out!
Above the crowd!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
Till mine is the only face you see...
Gotta stand out...Till ya notice me!"

I just realized how much I love A Goofy Movie and growing up in the 90's. *sighes* College is interesting...different, but the same. High school with less drama, older people, sleeping later, living with your classmates, doing homework when you want, and no Parents! For an update on the Scott, let's see what's going on...

1. I have the part of the Solider General in "The Nutcracker" I won't be wearing tights, but yes...I will be dancing in a ballet on stage by myself. NO TIGHTS!

2. I was cast as the male lead in "Spitfire Grill" and I have two songs.

3. I got the understudy for the lead in "Travesties" and was called back for every audition so far.

4. So many people in the program are amazing and incredibly talented. Acting wise, at least, I have alot to learn.

5. I have made friends here who like me, and a few that really understand me.

6. Lisa and I are done. Both of us tried to make it work, but once again, I almost got into a relationship where I would not stand up for myself. She was still in love with someone else and is still very much a little girl. I wanted to fix her and only saw the good instead of the whole picture. We both decided we are better off as friends. I feel so much better and it is nice to be free. I will not go back with her. She wants to be more than just friends, but I had to put my foot down because I do not want to be anything more than a friend. I will not be a fuck buddy, ever. I am sick of hurting people with that side of me and I will not put myself or anyone else through pain like that again. Ever. Done and Done.

7. I have 3 A's and 2 B's and I have a 92 in my Math class. I have written two 20 page papers and am about to kill myself with the work I have left to do. Crazy.

8. I have been drunk. I have been to many theater parties, but I tend to not drink when I go. I am the DD. The first one I went to I had 8 shots and 2 cups of coconut rum, 3 glasses of wine, and 3 beers. I threw up and I was fine. Supposedly, I am a very comprehensible, intellectual drunk. I didn't sway, slur, or lose my intellect. That was an experience.

9. I have a full beard now and my hair is longer. I have bit more muscle, but the chub is trying to come back so I'm working at the gym as much as I can.

10. I am still Scott. I have not lost my naivety. I have not lost my love of human beings. I have seen dark sides of man since I've been here, but I haven't changed in my soul. I will always be in love with the world, and no amount of shock or pain will change my opinion that man is good. I am ashamed of things I have done, and wish I could take them back every day. I still hate to hurt people and hate to hurt because of it. I do not want to be hurt. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love myself for who I am and understand myself. I am me.

Well, that's a wrap. Hope that cleared some things up. I'm going to bed now! *yawn* Night guys!

Peace and hair grease,

7 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Monday, 3rd of October, 2005 @ [12:37am]
Mood: complacent

Inspired by other peoplez journals, I decided to try out sloganizer. Fun! Tell me which ones you like! ^^

1. Oh my gods, it's a Met.
2. For the love of Met.
3. My Met, your Met, Met for all!
4. Let your Met flow.
5. Go to heaven with Met.
6. The Met effect.
7. Met - Just do it.
8. Lucky Met.
9. And on the eighth day, god created Met.
10. Met, the freshmaker.
11. Met. Impossible is nothing.
12. I lost weight with Met.
13. The art of Met.
14. Heal the world with Met.
15. Met - enjoy the difference.
16. Inspired by Met.
17. 3... 2... 1... Met.


8 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Thursday, 29th of September, 2005 @ [4:29pm]
Mood: calm

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Stability |||||||||||||| 53%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 43%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 50%
Mystical |||||||||||| 50%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious |||||||||||| 43%
Hedonism |||||||||||| 50%
Materialism |||||||||| 36%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56%
Self absorbed |||| 16%
Conflict seeking |||||||||| 36%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 70%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant || 10%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43%
Wealth |||||||||| 36%
Dependency |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Change averse |||||||||||| 50%
Cautiousness |||||| 30%
Individuality |||||||||||||| 56%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 43%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 44%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Paranoia |||||| 30%
Vanity |||||||||||||| 56%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Female cliche |||||| 23%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

3 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Tuesday, 27th of September, 2005 @ [12:48am]
Subject:Quiz, read the other entry

ColorQuiz.com I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

with love

Date:Tuesday, 27th of September, 2005 @ [12:33am]

What is love?

Why do I push so hard? I want to be the best boyfriend/fiance/husband/father in the world, because that is something I know I can do. I don't have to be handsome, strong, smart, or any of the other necessary qualifications. I just need to love. And, that is something I can do. Why I screwed people over to lead with the wrong end...God I don't know. Yes, I do know, but I'm guessing there is not much of a rational answer. Why do I want a family so much? Why is it that I'm caring, happy, and exhuberent, and people think I'm gay?! What the fuck?! I am comfortable with girls and guys, no matter what their sexuality because they are people. I try as hard as I can to not put labels on people. I try ot be the good person I was raised and choose to be. And people think I'm gay?! What do I have to do?! Act like a macho idiot? Go fuck 9 girls just for the sake of the conquest? Go beat up some gay guy to make myself feel my secure?

Fuck it.

Let me just go play some football, get drunk, and smack the nearest weak girl next to me.

I'm sick of it. I like being myself and considering the experiences I have had, I'm 100% sure I'm not gay. I'm not offended by people who have that sexuality, but I do not.

Going to bed...things will be better in the morning.


13 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Thursday, 15th of September, 2005 @ [11:50am]
Mood: tired

Stolen from Kat:

[_] kill someone just after they got off death row for being proven innocent?
[_] give me your number?
[_] kiss me?
[_] watch a movie with me?
[_] take me out to dinner?
[_] let me drive you somewhere?
[_] be my bf/gf?
[_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[_] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[_] give me a piggyback ride?
[_] lick my cheek?
[_] dance with me?
[_] let me make you breakfast?
[_] help me with homework?
[_] tickle me to death?
[_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_] say yes if i asked you out?
[_] instant message me?
[_] greet me in public?
[_] hang out with me?
[_] bring me around your friends?
[_] aquaintances?
[_] friends?
[_] bffe?
[_] very good friends?
[_] in a relationship?
AM I...
[_] krunk?
[_] cute?
[_] funny?
[_] cool?
[_] loveable?
[_] adorable?
[_] compassionate?
[_] annoying?
[_] great to be with?
[_] attractive?
[_] odd?
[_] sweet?

[_] thought about me?
[_] wished i were there?
[_] grabbed me?

[_] had a crush on me?
[_] had a dream about me?
[_] been distracted by me?
ARE Y0U...
[_] done with this survey?
[_] happy you know me?
[_] mad at me?
[_] thinking about me?
[_] going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

8 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Wednesday, 14th of September, 2005 @ [9:24am]

Taken from SamuraiCat:

"California is the first major state out West to really battle over this (gay marriage) legislation, and since it is seen as a "modern" state on the edge of where America is heading, it's getting a lot of news time. With "The Governator" in office, the rights of thousands hang by a precarious, bloody thread as the world watches to see if people will do what is right for others or simply do what is right for themselves. The Gay and Lesbian community and the Fundamentalist Right-winger communities both are holding their collective breath as Arnold is contemplating his decision to veto Senate Bill 849. Word as of 09/10/05 is he is possibly set to veto. This is a big thing, folks.

I am asking that you follow the simple instructions below. It Won't cost antyhing and know that your support will be very much appreciated by the Gay and Lesbian community.

I've walked through it myself and the directions are accurate. It only takes about a minute, max.
California Gov. Schwarzenegger's office is accepting calls from anywhere regarding their marriage equality bill. It passed both houses of their legislature, but needs the Governor's approval. It's all automated, so you don't have to talk to anyone. Most of us now have free long-distance through cell phones or landlines, so do it every chance you get. If enough support is shown, full marriage rights may become a reality for millions of Americans. It's in our hands.

Follow these directions:
1. Call the Governor: 1-916-445-2841 (This number is listed at www.governor.ca.gov)
2. Push: 2 (voice your opinion on legislation)
3. Push: 1 (gender-neutral marriage bill - Senate Bill 849)
4. And push: 1 to support marriage equality
5. Hang up, and give yourself a hug for getting up offa that thing, and fighting for human rights.

If you would like to forward this or repost it, it would be very kind of you to do so. :)

I appreciate your help on this. Maybe one day, making posts like this will not be necessary...so let's hope for the best."


4 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Tuesday, 13th of September, 2005 @ [10:07pm]
Mood: mellow

As I sit here and watch the stars shuffle, my fingers fly across the board in a massed jumble while I think of your eyes. The 20 pages looming melt away under your stare. I pick the flower and send it flying as I writhe within my mind. Yes, no, the questions, non-alcoholic martinees mix my mind in a flurry of savage royalties I pay to my heart. Beat me now to save me from the pain later, since you seem to say there is so much yet to be had. Kill me while I freefall through the tangle of existence while the masks fall away to show my hurricane. Calm the life, find my love. Hold it close as I drum along to your beat of never ending crimson. Fold me within your soul and make me whole within your emptiness. I am optimistic.

3 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Sunday, 28th of August, 2005 @ [5:10pm]

Synthetic Cybernetic Organism Trained for Troubleshooting

2 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Sunday, 28th of August, 2005 @ [4:57pm]
Mood: exanimate

"I'm sorry for everything I've said
And anything I forgot to say too
When things get so complicated,
I stumble at best, muddle through
I wish that our lives could be simple
I don't want the world, only you
I wish I could tell you this face to face
But there's never the time...never the place
So this letter will have to do


I've been numb for the past couple days. The feeling where your awake,but you mind isn't registering. The first time this happend was the opening night of Fools and evey now and then it pops back in. I've had it for 3 days now. I haven't been as productive as I should and...alot of things. College is wonderfull and...Always and. *smiles sadly* Anyway... that's my post.

Golden moonlight burns my heart
In threads of piercing joy
Tears to shape my untold song
The self repairing toy

My strings you pluck with purpose
The drops to fall in space
My upward decent you hold, to love
I touch your fallen grace

11 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Thursday, 11th of August, 2005 @ [2:13pm]
Mood: content

The Simple Geek
You answered 72% of the questions as a geek truly would.
You don't seem to sway in either direction, however you still seem to have some latent geek attributes within you. Maybe you're interested in computers but not a gamer? Maybe you've got geek hobbies but none of the awkward social tendencies. You may be slightly geekier than you thought and in denial!

The simple geek usually has various quirks that friends may make fun of, but in general can be considered a fairly normal person. Your geek attributes make you less likely to conform to society. The popular kids don't hate you but the geeks don't either, so it's a respectable demographic.

In a nutshell, you answered enough questions with geek tendencies and enough questions without geek tendencies that it's difficult to pinpoint your exact alignment.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 54% on geekness
Link: The True Geek Test written by ambientred on Ok Cupid

4 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Sunday, 7th of August, 2005 @ [11:57pm]
Subject:Tired and Maybe Ready
Mood: contemplative

Wow! It's been a long time since I've updated... Whew! A whole summer's gone by almost and I have to recap most of it! Whew! Let's see... *recapped* Alright! *grins* Thought I was gonna write all that down huh? Well I didn't! :P

No No, but seriously... College is starting soon. In a week! A WEEK! I mean don't get me wrong! I'm totally ready! It's just different I guess. If I was going back to Norcross then it wouldn't be any big deal. Same halls, same teachers, same people. Same! I'm supposed to be a liberal here and I'm not liking change?! *dies* No, I love the idea of college, but I will miss so many things here so much. My friends, my home, my car *tear*, my tree, my bookstore, my gameshop, and my safe haven. All of that will change. I've steeled myself for this and I see all of the good to be had, but it is a lie to say I'm not alittle scared.

The wind that carries much
From petals to your tears
Whispers to me daily
As I contemplate my fears

Its hushed, calm, and gentle
When I need it most to be
Then it tears me inside out
It lets my soul run free

I watch that breeze I know
As it now tickles the dawn
For now I can let go
My will can still walk on


8 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Thursday, 7th of July, 2005 @ [12:16pm]
Mood: confused

Your Slanguage Profile

New England Slang: 50%
Prison Slang: 50%
Aussie Slang: 25%
British Slang: 25%
Canadian Slang: 25%
Southern Slang: 0%
Victorian Slang: 0%

I have no southern slang! Wow!

4 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Sunday, 3rd of July, 2005 @ [9:58pm]
Subject:How a Perfect Love Can Be Confounded Out of That?
Mood: contemplative

"Is it written in the stars?" I just realized I love AIDA! Great musical! Not as awesome as RENT, but come on... what is?!

Hmmm... I'm not entirely sure what to write about. I'm feeling a stirring inside of me. Possibly creative or just agitated. Not sure... ^^. I'll say this. I just realized I'm not a big fan of witty banter. I've talked about this before, but who cares? Rant! With some people it can be very fun, but more often than not the comments become biting and hurtful. Now that person might just be kidding, but still... I don't get off at making fun of other people. Even my friends. I tease every now and then, but I never try to demean them. I dunno... I love everyone at work, but sometimes I wanna just make the perfect burn/comeback and have everyone shut up!!!! >.< Ok, yes I'm weird. I make terrible comebacks. I don't make sense half the time. And, I guess I'm not on the same level intellectually to be able to insult everyone without getting my feelings hurt and vis vera.

The thing I hate to do most in the world is hurt people. Not because I have suffered some terrible, monstrous thing, but... I just care about people. I have been hurt, yes, but so has everyone! I'm nothing special in that department. For the most part I guess I have lived a charmed life. That's why I want to share. I want to make people smile. That is my duty to the world. Because honestly, that just makes me happy. Service is really self service.

Bleeding lives strewn across the fertile plain
The limbs point to the truth
Drawn to the wayside by the pain
The bodies pile

I walk a narrow path I wish was wider
There are no weapons on me
Friends I carry like feathers
I smile to the sun, and reach the horizon

3 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Tuesday, 21st of June, 2005 @ [11:22pm]
Mood: content

I stole this from Jesse. ^^

Reply to this post and I'll tell you one thing I love/adore about you.

15 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Thursday, 16th of June, 2005 @ [10:04am]
Mood: indescribable

I dont know exactly what to write. There so many things in my life that I'm not sure about. My abilities to accomplish the dreams I aspire to, the strength I need to keep my on my feet, the courage to tell people I love no, the wisdom to make the choices that will decide my future, and if I am the kind of person that the real me wants to be portrayed as.

Machiavelli once said that "If you want to be a different person on the inside, be that person on the outside. Then it will happen. Since the only thing that matters in this world is the material, the outer you is the real. There is no inner being that is you."

Though he was a materialist, a capitalist to the -nth degree, and an "SOB", many of his teachings speak truth. When I was in Italy, I stood before his grave thinking, "What do I say?" I said, " You were a powerful, hated, and intelligent man. You cared for no one but yourself and told the world what you believed were truths. Though I find many fallacies in what you teach, thank you for your insight. Your teachings might not show a world that I believe in, but it helps to keep things in perspective about what is my world, and what is the real world."

I want so many things out of life, the epitome being love. For those of you who know me, that is no surprise. *smiles* But beyond that... there are other things. I want the inner me to the the outer me. A little different from our Italian philosopher, no? I want everyone to be able to see inside me and understand all of my inner workings, know who I am inside, including the bad, and I want everyone to like, understand, and accept me.

That will never happen. *smiles*

But, dreaming is always nice. So many people I know cling to the deep dark secrets of their pasts or hide behind their own walls. Sometimes I wish their were no walls. Its funny...my dream is to be mask free, yet I have my own.

"I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. I'd like to hold it in my arms, and keep it company."

The one song I remember from my childhood still speaks true today. I'll finish with this.

Life inside a flower's stem
Is meaningless to most
I live within the ever growing
My soul absent from ghosts.

Will I ever reach my bud?
Can I open true?
Petals extend like open hands
I breathe out life to you.


6 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Thursday, 16th of June, 2005 @ [9:57am]
Subject:I am feeling creative.
Mood: contemplative

My pirate name is:

Red Davy Kidd

Passion is a big part of your life, which makes sense for a pirate. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

That was fun. Now another thing that needs to put on this live journal. *grins* I think most of you will appreciate this.


Click this and if you are a fan of musicals at all, you'll be happy.

2 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Thursday, 9th of June, 2005 @ [6:20pm]
Subject:Hey guys! I'm in Assisi!
Mood: optimistic

Wow..what a trip y'all. Assisi is beautifull and our hotel room has view! Yay!!! I'm sitting here at the computer I found and am typing as fast as I can so I don't get kicked off, so sorry for falling off the earth!!! I've been on a bus across Europe most of time!! O.o Anyway, the trip has been wonderful except for 3 things.

1. I want to buy everyone something, but I'm having to limit it because of luggage space and... my wallet. *sweatdrops* There have been 3 ATMs the whole trip y'all! I'm tryin!

2. We have only spent a day or two in each place and they are so nice!! Grr! I want more!!!!!!!!!

3. I have an ingrown toe nail. Eww I know, but yep. I have had one before and had to goto the pediatrist to get it cut out. This one I have had to operate on myself to make walking bearable, but it's still not better and it hurts. *sniffs* I did cut out the toe of my shoe, so that helps!

Aside from that things are great! I have presents so far for everyone at train show and Kati. Everyone else, just wait and I'll try, I promise!

My favorite so far I think is Venice, and not becaUSE OF ALL THE WATER! LOL It is just beautiful there and The Piegons attack you! Haha! Anyway, I'm off to dinner, so pray for my toe, and I'll be back on the 17th. W00t if I don't post till then, but reply to this entry anyway!


7 has respondedhave responded with love

Date:Wednesday, 1st of June, 2005 @ [11:03pm]
Subject:Thats amore!
Mood: relaxed

Now bear with me people cause this keyboard is alittle different, but guess what? Im in Rome! I apoligise for the lack of apostrophes, but sadly, there are none on this keyboard!!! Grr... I cant even make the inverted V mad face! In anycase...W00T! Im having a blast and the drinking age is only 16 here. Wow... I will say this. I have had 4 1\2 cups of wine tonight, and it was very good. Do feel alittle woozy...yes. Am I drunk? I don't think so.. Aha! That's where the apostrophe sign is! Weird keyboard! But in any case.. I don't enjoy having my rational mind dulled or numbed. I feel looser and more at peace with the world, which is nice, but I feel like I could be persuaded to do something I wouldn't normally do, and that isn't cool. So, to all of those peoples I know who dream of getting drunk and partying, my bit is this.

It isn't that big a deal. It can be fun with friends, but it isn't as great as everyone makes it out to be and stop idealizing it before you go overboard and get yourself hurt. The main problem with kids in America is that alcohol and sex are taboo! If we were just more open about them, it wouldn't be as big a deal and kids wouldn't worry about it as much. I dunno... Anyway! Rome beautiful! I can't wait for more! Oh and sorry guys btw. My phone has no service and it sucks! We are trying to get that fixed, but call me anyway and leave a message! Peace, love, and Hair grease!

Night night!


6 has respondedhave responded with love

my journal